Well well well well well wellw elll ewlll eelw llew elwe!!!

Back again!

I trust that you are all well, my dears. The nights have drawn in, the thermometer is in absolute agreement woth bith me and all my friends, and the General Public, and also (aussi) the National Press that it has become "Good Lord!"-ingly cold (that's when you step out of your executive front door into the chill morning air and go "Good Lord, isn't it cold I'II check the thermometer, my friends, the General Public and the National Press"), so it's time to put a mugful of milk on the hob, drape a colourful duvet across your shivering shoulders and flick with blue and numb fingers through this joyful copy of edition two of ALAN, The Official Collection of Pages for Fellow Appreciators of RUTH, written by GENUINE BAND MEMBERS in THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE with LOTS of CAPITAL LETTERS in BOLD. If you are wondering what I'm talking about, it means that that cheque you sent to the Innovations catalogue for a pair of Angry Tweezers was mysteriously redirected to PO BOX 152D, home of ALAN TOCoPfFAoR (pronounced "Tocop-ffa-or"), which is, and I quote: "what you yet if you decide you want to know more about that marvellous foursome of young musicians and songwriters the world has come to know as RUTH" (ALAN 1) . It's true - that's what it says. You can check if you like.

So I apologise for any confusion and upset this may have caused, and if you are still at a loss, I suggest that if you cunningly fold this issue down the middle, then slightly bend over the top left corner, you might still he able to wrench your eyebrows out with it, or remove that nagging splinter.

But this bit isn't to soothe the angered brows of ill-served consumers, it's to say HELLO THERE!

I hope your last three months have been as average-and-normal-with-the-odd- bit-of-excitement as ours have, and I hope you enjoy this issue at least as much as last time.

You'll be pleased to know that since Issue One of ALAN TOCoPfFAoR, yet more people have come aboard the ALAN ship in search of ever more intimate contact with RUTH, so you are not alone in hovering near the letterbox every day, waiting for us to drop onto the mat (unless you've got one of those little cagey-catcher devices to stop the dogs from chewing all your mail up. How are the dogs, by the way?) so it's a big hello to all of you who have found yourselves "touched by the magic of RUTH" since August and a little oh, how nice to see you to everyone who's bravely seen the whole distance.

This time is fresh with the promise of ALL NEW RUTH recordings which will be available EXCLUSIVELY to members of ALAN and everybody else, also your chance to prove your loyalty and devotion by buying UNPLEASANTLY COLOURED and ILL-FITTING RUTH T-shirts (well, more I-shirts, actually).

Remember - YOU are on a mission to spread RUTH as far and wide as possible.

We will be checking.

ALSO!!! Fabulous Features! Fabulous Competitions!!Fabulous Interviews!!! Fabulous Offers!!!! Fabulous Stories!!!!! Fabulous Poetry!!!!!! Fabulous Fiction!!!!!!! Fabulous Jokes!!!!!!!! Fabulous Recipes!!!!!!!!! Fabulous Lies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD !!!!!!!

So, without further ado, let's begin ...





There's still time to quietly put this aside and go and calm down in the garden if it's already too much for you.