As you may or may not know, "Simply" Stephen has not given an interview for over three years, so it was with formidable trepidation that I handed him my list of questions, the responses to which I knew kiddies all over the world would be eager to read, enjoy and, perhaps, learn from.

In the flesh, Stephen is no less daunting than he appears in the numerous press shots showing his lion's maned frame - and no less handsome. But he had soon put me at my ease, offering me the now customary "cup of coffee" and promising to glance his ochre eyes over my tawdry sheets and jot down a few of his musings.

A man like Stephen Cousins is not one you'd like to brush up against in a sunny street on a busy day, so I think you'll all join with me in thanking His Majesty for that which you are now to read.

Sail on, Stephen! And long may he reign!

How tall are you?
That's simply not fair - you know I'm small.

I'm sorry, Steve. Didn't mean to cause offence. What's the weather like?
Well, it's like a hot summer's day because it actually is one.

Heh heh heh. That's very funny. Yes that's really very funny. But tell us, what did you do last night?
I'm generally a tired boy.., so iwatched the World Cup game, Spain v. Switzerland (3-0 to Spain) and also a cool film called "FX - Murder by Illusion". Also did a bit of playing on my new TG55 synth.

When did you decide to be a musician?
When I was 10, for no reason at all, I suddenly decided The Beatles were the best thing in the world and I wanted to be all of them. So my Dad taught me A, D and G on the guitar, then I got a 4-track and the rest is all an unfortunate long story.

What was the first song you ever wrote?
Well, true to form it was called "I love you" and I still have a recording of it done by me and my brother, Simon. Who now calls himself James.... mind you, that is his name .... as well as Simon .....

Anyhow, the band was called The Barnes Brothers cos we lived in an area of Sunderland called High Barnes in 1981.

How did you learn to play?
I've already told you. Don't you ever listen

Who are your influences musically/morally/humourly?
The most obvious influence on my songs I suppose is The Beatles, certainly vocally. But I have listened to so much stuff in my life and they've all contributed to how I am now. So you can blame The Smiths, Status Quo, Dire Straits, Kate Bush, Clannad, Madonna, Suzanne Vega, Joni Mitchell, Tray Chapman [He may mean Tracey Chapman - Ed.] Jane Weidlin, The Darling Buds, Primitives ...... oh, there's simply far too many.

I see. So you're not going to tackle morals and humour. That's fine. What's your favourite meal?
It used to be a Full Sunday Roast. But I've been a vegetarian since 1987, so I guess it'll have to be something else. Pizza, egg, spaghetti, chips and brown sauce!

What would you lie about in public (apart from your favourite meal and attitude towards exclamation marks)?
l'd probably lie about what a nice guy I am, cos I'm a bit of a git really.

A good memory of RUTH
The whole summer of 1993 was fab, from MAYC London weekend, through the MTV advert, to Greenbelt. Excellent times.

Favourite RUTH song?
I've been deep in thought about this for ages, but I just don't know. You see, I like almost all RUTH songs ["almost all"??? - Ed.], but one doesn't stand out from the others as a personal favourite. I like so many elements from so many of the songs; guitar riffs, lyrics, harmonies, basslines ....

Song you wish you'd written
Something like "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" or "Sailing" or "Mull of Kintyre". Something that sold millions and made huge wads of cash for the composer, because being sensible with money is the one thing I am totally useless at in my life, apart from car mechanics.

Which Beatle would you have been?
John, cos he was the most interesting and talented. [Was he??? - Ed.]
Paul, cos he was the best looking and funny. [Was he??? - Ed.]
George, cos he was the weirdest. [Was he??? - Ed.]
Not Ringo, cos he was just Ringo. [ Fair enough - Ed.]

How many broken hearts are there in the world?
You're not going to force me into quoting Jason Donovan records.

What's your most embarrassing moment?
Probably when I wet myself at school in The Gambia when I was three. I don't get embarrassed now, I feel stupid and then get annoyed.

What is your best joke?
Did you hear about the one-armed fisherman? He caught a fish this long.

Have you had any spiritual experiences lately?
No, but I wish I had.

What's the time?
It's 25 to 2pm and Mansell is 6th in the French Grand Prix. Only 25 mins to go till the men's final at Wimbledon.

What was your ambition when you were 7?
I have absolutely no idea .... I ... uh ..... oh.

What would you die for?
Nothing. But you never know until you're in a situation. I'd like to think I'd risk my life for another person.

What do you want to be doing in 10 years?
Recording the 4th RUTH album. Recording a solo album. Lying on a beach in Africa. Using my influence to work towards world peace and justice for all. Probably.

Where do you want to be 31st December 1999?
Playing a gig outdoors in England somewhere with RUTH and on to a party with 50 of my best friends in the world.

Favourite film?
"Jacobs Ladder"

Describe the plot of one episode of "Last of the Summer Wine" from memory.
I was too young and I bet you can' t remember it . [I bloody can - Ed.] I'II sing the theme tune though: Doo doo doo du doo doo dool doo doo doe/ du doo doo doe/ du doo doo doe/ Du doo doo doe/ du doo doo doe/ doo doooooo. OK? [I don't remember that bit - Ed.]

What message would you give to fans of RUTH?
I'd say: Hold on to those tapes. It really won't be long now. We will be hugely famous soon. Promise.

Say bye bye in your own inimitable fashion.
May the grace of or Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all evermore.

Amen.

Thanks, Stevie
That's OK.